back on the horse
It has been a while since I first starated writing and this is my second attempt at a blog. I lost all the sign on information and made a complete mess of the writing.
I was writing about the past and relating it ot the present.
I am a Vietnam veteran. I have struggled with the importance of that both in my personal life and how I navigate my life because of it. When I first got out of the military I stopped telling people about it because I got 2 reactions: either complete hate or "that's cool" and nothing else was said and that was fine with me.
It has destroyed relationships as a spector unseen but having influence on the "present". I finally sought help at the demise of a 15 year relationship (2 years before it actually ended) and began to face that incredibly influential year of my life, nightmares, flashback, et al. not withstanding.
I currently work at a community mental health center after getting my degree as a Master of Social Work. Fuck. I wanted to work with veterans with PTSD and I found dissociation as a way to work with them. NOT GOOD!
I think I want to get my PhD. My professors (3 or 4 anyway) urged me to go. Fuck, I'm 54 and am feeling very alienated with my friends. What else have I got to do with my life anyway. It's only 2 - 5 more years.
I'm not cut out for community mental health. I'd make a damn good professor, though.
I see so many people writing with ease about what's going on in their lives; I find this difficult, but, maybe treat this like my diary. Who gives a fuck who reads it.
12/25/06
Well, I guess I do!
posted by smith @ 6:17 PM
4 Comments:
Well, now at least one person does.
Did you ever get a chance to catch up with Another Bullshit Night in Suck City? I ask only because I can't imagine someone with more skill at helping others, on the fly, than you, despite whatever hesitations you might have from dealing with your own shit. That book showed me just how strange it must be to try to help people through issues that one has never fully come to terms with on their own.
Anyway, I look forward to reading more from you, and only hope the world is treating you fairly. Then again, if it is not, have fun telling it to go fuck itself.
Jeff
Keep on that hoss, hoss. I found your blog because of a search on 'I paint" from my profile. your's was just above mine.
but yes, the viet nam thing can and will continue to eat at you. PTSD counseling?
follow you instincts, get the PhD and don't look back.
and paint, don't forget to paint.
It can take quite a while - and a lot of hurt - to figure things out, can't it. But it sounds like you're heading in the right direction.
You sound like a real no-nonsense kind of guy who could bring some much needed real-life experience into the hallowed halls of academia. I bet you'd be a great professor if you can deal with the BS and politics. (I couldn't hack it, myself, and dropped out after getting my Masters. Still feels like unfinished business, though, if you know what I mean.)
Good luck, Smith! Let us know how things are going.
Thanks all for your kind words. And Jeff, I will look for that book and reading it.
I have a gift…I've known it for a while and much power can be gotten from misusing such a gift. Friendships can collapse and worlds explode.
I, hopefully, will post some paintings for ya'll to view.
Just so ya'll kow, I have been seeing counselors for about 7 years and it has been the best. Not always the words I want to hear, but what is needed.
I remembered (and still remember anew) experiences from a very very wierd year+ that no one and I mean the group king george has decided (as the decider) should have to experience.
My painting is stuck right now. I hope that will change. I sit in front of the easel daily.
Paint to canvas.
Jeff… the world does not and will not treat you fairly.
Take it by the balls.
Take from it what you must and fuck the rest.
You have such potential AND
the future family will be awesome!
AND most of all I need to take my own advice.
thanks again
Post a Comment
<< Home